


"I told you this was a bad idea"

by Finerafin



Series: The Great Coffee Shop Conspiracy [1]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Church has a (bad) idea, Gen, How Do I Tag, coffee shop AU, the others get dragged in
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-07
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2019-03-01 18:03:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13300299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Finerafin/pseuds/Finerafin
Summary: What do you do when the idiots from your go-to coffee shop ban you for wearing your favourite shirt? Exactly. You open your own.





	"I told you this was a bad idea"

**Author's Note:**

> 'Tumblr promt': Based on [this post](https://finerafin.tumblr.com/post/168977798200/rvb-office-au-high-schoolteachers-au-rivaling#notes)  
> This is unbeta'd and as always English is not my first language, so if you find any mistakes feel free to tell me

Their coffee machine was broken and neither cared enough to get a new one. Tex could get her coffee at work - for free. And Church started to go to the coffee shop across the street. It wasn’t big, but it was cheap enough to justify going there instead of buying a new coffee machine. And after more than four weeks getting his coffee there the employees knew when Church would show up and what he would order, so most of the time his coffee was already made and Church just needed to pay. It was perfect.

He didn’t expect this day to be any different.

Church picked up his favorite cobalt blue sweater from the floor where he had dropped it the night before and decided that it was enough and he didn’t need a jacket to get coffee. After all, he only had about 10 meters to go and it was a beautiful day outside.

Grabbing his keys, he headed out of the flat. Church was still half asleep, as always before his first coffee.

Two minutes later, he entered _Wake Up Coffee,_ muttered "Morning" and made his way to the counter, as someone screamed: "Blue Traitor!"

"What?" Church asked, confused.

Sarge came from the back. "You're blue! You can't come into my shop wearing something blue!"

"What?!"

"But Sir, he’s one of our best customers," Simmons tried to protest.

"And now he’s a traitor!" Sarge turned back to Church. "You are banned from entering this shop ever again!"

"You can't ban me!"

"Yes, I can. Lopez, throw him out."

" _Si_."

"What? You- you can’t throw me out just because I’m wearing a blue sweater!"

"Sorry, it’s in the company policies."

"You are kidding me."

"No, he is truly not," Grif said from where he was sitting and watching Simmons work.

"I want to read it then!"

"Sorry, this information is classified."

"How can your company policies be classified!"

"That information is classified, too."

"Oh fuck you; I can get my coffee elsewhere!" Church turned around and left the shop.

"Hehe," Sarge said, pleased. "Another victory for the glorious Red Army!"

"But we’re not-! Oh never mind", Simmons muttered and continued working.

 

* * *

 

 

Church angrily went back to his flat and slammed the door shut.

"Whoa, do you want to wake up the neighborhood?" Tex asked him.

"They fucking banned me because I wore a blue shirt!"

"Who?"

"This Sarge guy who owns the coffee shop!"

"He banned you because you are wearing a blue shirt."

"Yes!"

"Why would he do that?"

"It's in the company policies or some crap!"

"Alright. I guess he had a reason then."

"What?!"

"Well, if it's in the policies ..."

"You are kidding me. Where do I get coffee now?"

"You could always buy a new coffee machine. Or open your own coffee shop."

"Why would I do that if there's a perfectly fine coffee shop directly across our flat - Where are you going?"

"I have to leave for work."

"And what about my problems?!"

"Oh, you'll live."

 

Tex waved goodbye and left and Church, still angry, still tired and now on caffeine deprivation, sat down on the couch.

"Open my own coffee shop", he muttered. "Well, actually that's not a bad idea."

Church grabbed his phone to call Tucker. After two minutes he finally picked up.

 

"Dude, it's eight in the morning, why are you calling me?" Tucker complained. He sounded like he just woke up.

"Tucker, I've got a great idea."

"Oh no."

"We're gonna open our own coffee shop."

"Why do you want to open your own, you've got one right before your door!"

"... I got banned."

"Why did you - what did you do?!"

"Nothing, I just wore a blue sweater and that crazy old man yelled something about blue traitor and threw me out!"

"Well, sucks for you."

"No shit, Sherlock. And now I'm opening my own."

"I don't think that Tex will be happy about this idea. Also, you're going to university, who's gonna lead the shop when you're busy?"

"Since when are you reasonable?"

"Wash must be rubbing off on me", Tucker muttered.

"Yeah, and Donut too."

Tucker sighed. "What does Tex think about this?"

"She basically suggested it."

"What."

"Yes."

"... Okay. I'm in."

"Cool. Can you call Caboose and come over in, like, an hour?"

"Why do I have to-"

"Okay, thanks! And thanks for bringing me coffee, too."

"I hate you!"

 

* * *

 

 

About an hour later, they showed up a Church's doorstep.

"Hello, Church!" Caboose said happily and bounced into his flat. Tucker followed him tiredly. Wash was the last one. He handed Church a thermos full of coffee.

"This is a very bad idea and I only participate in this in hope of free coffee", he stated.

"No, it's not. And I can probably give you a discount," Church shot back and got a mug for himself.

"Fair enough," Wash agreed.

 

"So, how do we do this?" Tucker asked from his place on the couch. Caboose sat beside him and was still bouncing.

"I don't know, I've never started a company before." Church shrugged.

Wash sighed. "Okay. First of all: Do you even have the money for it?"

"... No?"

"How do you want to start a business of you don't have money?!"

"I can ask my sister, but first of all we have to come up with a name and a concept!" Church said defensively.

"Alright", Wash sighed, defeated. "What do you want to do first?"

"A name," Church decided and sat down at the table.

"Oh, I have some suggestions", Tucker said with a grin Church didn’t like. " _Tea’se me."_

Church groaned. "No!"

"Streaming Hotties!"

_"Tucker!"_

"We could just look up some names", Wash interrupted them and pulled out his phone.

"I did, but _apparently Church doesn’t like them!_ "

"That’s because they’re stupid."

"You’re stupid!"

"Could you _please_ stop fighting?" Wash glared at them and continued to tap away at his phone. Tucker stuck his tongue out at Church who just rolled his eyes.

"Found something!" Wash said triumphantly after a minute or two. He read out the headline: "21 Coffee Shop Names That Are Guaranteed To Put a Smile On Your Face. The first one is: Bean there, Drank that."

"I like that one!" Tucker said enthusiastically.

"No. I don’t want it to be a bad pun!" Church complained.

 

An hour and 10+ websites later, they still hadn’t found the perfect name, but had established a system.

"Brewed Awakening" Wash read out.

"Yes!" Tucker agreed.

"No!" Church said irritated.

"The Split Bean."

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Wide Awake Coffee."

"Yes!"

"No ... wait, that’s not that bad, write it-"

"The Grind."

"Yes!"

"Did you even listen-"

"The Steam Room"

"Yes!"

"Can you just-"

"Coffee Time."

"No, Church, we need a name!"

"Damn it, I’m trying to-"

"Look!" Caboose interrupted them cheerily. He had been drawing on a piece of paper and Church was rather glad that he didn’t try to ‘help’ them and they hadn’t really noticed what exactly he was drawing until now.

It was a blue mug and a bluish-green tea leaf half overlapping in a black circle and it looked suspiciously like a logo.

"What’s that?" Church asked after a moment of silence.

"I drew it for you! Every company needs a logo and you’re my all time best friend so I made you one."

"Caboose, that’s-"

"I think Bean there, Drank that still is the best."

They all looked at Wash who was still focused on his phone.

"Did you even listen to us, Wash?!"

"Huh, what?"

Church groaned."I hate you. All of you."

 

* * *

 

 

"Hey, Carolina."

"What do you want."

"Wha- Can’t your brother just call you to check on you and talk to you?"

"What. Do. You. Want?"

"I want to open my own coffee shop and need some money for it ..."

"Why do you want to- Wait, never mind, I don’t think I want to know the reason. How much do you need?"

"I don’t know yet?"

"... Call me again, if you actually know what you want. Also, I want the money back someday."  
"Yeah, yeah, alright, thank- Bitch hung up on me!"

"She must really like you", Tucker grinned.

"Shut the fuck up."

 

* * *

 

 

"Now that we have a name and kind of a concept, when do you want to order the furniture?" Wash asked, while they were eating lunch. They had ordered some takeout as they had spent the whole morning planning.

"Uh, as fast as possible. Preferably this afternoon."

"Okay. But you know that nobody of us is good at interior design?" Tucker said grinning.

"No. No, no, no, no, no. We're not gonna invite Donut over!"

"Well, if you don't want to order it today ..."

"Okay, okay. We'll call him", Church sighed defeated and grabbed his phone.

 

It took Donut about 5 minutes to come over.

"I thought you had to work," Church said instead of greeting him.

"Oh, Grif is doing my work so I could help you", Donut replied cheerily.

"That just means that Simmons will do your work."

"I know!"

Church sighed. "Why do I even care. Can you help us with the furniture?"

"Of course I can! I have lots of ideas!"

"And I have standards," Church gave back.

"So, where do you open your coffee shop? I need to know how big the room is," Donut said as he plopped down on the couch.

"Uh. We don't exactly have a place yet," Church admitted.

Donut stared at him unbelieving. "And how do you expect me to help you if you don't have a place?"

"I don't know, I thought you were good at this, why do you need to know how the room looks like."

"Because it's the key element, Church!"

"Isn't that little empty store in the basement for rent?" Wash interrupted them.

"Yes." Church considered it for a moment. "Give me ten minutes; I have to make a call." He went downstairs to look up the number.

 

* * *

 

 

About half an hour later he came back.

"What took you so long?" Tucker asked.

"I just bought that store ..."

"You bought it? I thought we just wanted to rent it?!" Wash sounded slightly confused.

"Well, I could either rent it and leave it as it is or buy it so that we can repair the broken window and renovate it!"

"That's stupid, why wouldn't they let you renovate it?"

"Because they didn't want me to fuck it up or some shit. And besides it was cheaper to buy it - Donut, where are you going?"

"I need to take a look at your new shop!" he said happily and headed downstairs. The others followed him after a moment.

 

* * *

 

 

"First of all we need to paint the walls! I thought of a lightish red -"

"No. The walls will be blue," Church said.

"And some ligthish red flowers ..."

"No flowers and if we get some, they will be blue."

"Purple chairs!"

"Goddamnit, Donut! Everything here will be blue! Or, well, the counter and that shit will be brown."

"At least you stick to one color palette," Donut muttered. "But why do you want it to be blue? Why not lightish red?"

"Because it will annoy Sarge, that's why."

Donut sighed. "Alright, I see what I can do."

 

* * *

 

 

By evening, they had a plan of how they wanted to furnish the coffee shop and had already ordered everything.

"Thanks, guys," Church said. "I'm gonna do all the paperwork tomorrow while you paint the walls, alright?"

"Why do we have to paint the walls?" Tucker complained.

"Do you want to do the paperwork?"

"No ..."

"I want to paint the walls!"

"We know, Caboose," Wash said patiently.

"I want to help, too!" Donut said.

"No, Donut, you've helped us enough. Also, we're your rivals now, I don't think Sarge wants you to 'work with the enemy' or some shit."

"Ah, he won't!"

"You really don't have to help us," Tucker tried to convince him. "We are already enough people."

Donut just waved at them smiling and left.

"Do you think he will show up tomorrow?" Tucker asked.

"Nah, I don't think so."

Church was wrong again.

 

* * *

 

They spent the next three days painting the walls and fixing everything that was broken.

On the fourth day, the furniture arrived and Donut helped them to install it. Well. He stood on a chair and yelled directions so they wouldn't fuck up his plan.

Caboose was banned from helping after he dropped several crates and nearly broke the coffee machine so he spent his time sitting in the corner and working on their logo.

Two days later, they were finally finished.

 

* * *

 

 

"I didn't expect us to be this fast", Wash admitted as they stood inside their coffee shop and looked around. It was small and cozy, even though the walls were painted blue and Donut had said time and time again that it would look cold.

"Yeah, me neither," Church agreed grinning. "The only thing we have to do now is to wait for Tex and then we can open tomorrow!"

(On the first day, they had agreed not to tell Tex what they were up to until they were ready to open.)

"Ugh, that means I have to work tomorrow?"

"Yes, Tucker."

"Why don't you give me the day off?"

"You can't start working here with a day off!"

"Yes, I can."

"I regret hiring you."

"There's Tex!" Caboose interrupted them happily and ran outside to greet her.

 

* * *

 

 

"What the hell is going on here."

"Hi, Tex," Wash said and Tucker waved at her from where he was sitting on the counter.

"Uhm, yeah, do you remember that you told me to open my own coffee shop a few days ago?"

"I didn't think you would do it!"

"Yeah, well, I did."

"We did," Tucker corrected.

"Okay, we did. What do you think? It's all finished and we're opening tomorrow!"

"What's it called?"

"F'Coffee."

Tex looked around. "It's ... kinda cool."

"Yesss," Tucker and Church said in unison.

"But?" Wash asked suspiciously.

"Are you sure you have everything?"

"Of course! I-"

"We!"

"We even have an ad in the newspaper!"

"Okay. Nice." Tex took another look around. "So this is a ' _Bring Your Own Mug_ ' coffee shop?"

"No?" Tucker said.

She grinned mischievously. "Then where are the mugs?"

 

* * *

 

 

Grif swore that he could hear Church scream all the way to their apartment.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Come talk to me on tumblr, I'm [finerafin](https://finerafin.tumblr.com/)  
> [This](https://finerafin.tumblr.com/post/169515924000/i-should-be-studying-or-doing-my-homework-have#notes) is the logo for the Blue's coffee shop!  
> [LOOK AT THE AMAZING FANART BLUE DREW FOR THIS](https://finerafin.tumblr.com/post/171728809290/bluevsblue-what-do-you-do-when-the-idiots-from)


End file.
